More than, less than
by FullOfSugar
Summary: RikuXSora. AU. Perfection (noun) : the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence. Next to the definition, insert Riku's picture. More precise summary inside.
1. Sora

**Summary****:** They have always been best friends and yet, as it becomes harder and harder to stand the never-ending comparison between the two of them, Sora feels the need to grow apart, thinking it to be the only solution to make of himself his own person.

**Pairing:** RikuXSora. AU.

**Amazing beta-reader:** SoRikuRox (and he rox, too ^^)

**A/N:** I hesitated between angst and drama; in here, Sora is faced with the anxiety of his future, so I think it could be categorized as angst but I put drama to envelop everything else. Well... there's romance, that's for sure... Enjoy ;)

**A/N2:** It was supposed to be a one-shot but, of course, I got carried away... so I decided to cut it into chapters, not even the same length. Sorry about that...

**Chapter 1: Sora**

My name is Sora. Satô Sora, seventeen years old. I am 5.4 tall; I know, I am short, I can only hope to keep growing. I grew up in Destiny Island, a nice little city with a lot of kids. People here are not stressed or individualistic, they are just people whose priorities are friends and family; here, people take the time to live.

Which is fine, really ; even though some teens are just eager to leave for a bigger city because they need _entertainment_, I think living in Destiny Island is fine. Well... at least we could say that I don't have anything against the town itself.

My parents are very sociable people: open-minded and courteous. There is one downside in their amazing personalities, though: my father will rather ignore problems to keep his peace and so he agrees with mother all the time, while mom has a certain tendency to talking without really thinking about the consequences of her words. To complete the picture of such a stereotype gossip, she is a hairdresser. Needless to say, every secret on Destiny Island is shared and unveiled in the back of my house where she settled her salon.

They have always been very good friends with the neighbours. Mr. and Mrs. Ogawa had moved here just a year before them (I was not yet born at the time) and they share a lot of common interests with my parents; Mrs. Ogawa is always in need of a new hairstyle, which was the first thing that made her friend with Mom. Mr. Ogawa and my father share the passion of Triple Triad and, as today, they still play that game every Saturday night.

Five years or so after my parents moved to Destiny Island, I was born, just seven month after Mr. and Mrs. Ogawa's first child.

A little angel named Riku.

We grew up together, of course, the two of us being a reason for our families to get even closer. Riku had always been there, we've never separated for more than one day. Even on holidays, we were with the Ogawa. Sometimes, while growing up, I even wondered which one of those always talking women was my mother.

Scary, huh?

Aside from that I am kinda dumb, rather slow and certainly gullible. Riku, on the other side, is the smartest boy ever: he has always done everything perfectly since he was a child and, of course, far long before me. This included starting talking, walking, counting, and overall being a bright child.

I've never really felt jealousy before, just a vague sense of sadness each time my mother cooed and gushed about Riku's cuteness, intelligence, expressions... the attention was always focused on Riku and at how great he was as a child. In the rare cases they focused on me, it was just to compare me to Wonder Boy. I felt put aside, but what is a kid to do? It's not like I was smart enough to completely realize what I was feeling at the time.

Let me tell you, though: never talk in front of a child thinking he doesn't understand anything. Because he does. He does and he will remember, and those little words, details, anecdotes, will be engraved in his mind and will hurt him for years to come. I can testify. Hearing your own mother saying things like _"What a beautiful drawing! Sora was never able to hold a pen properly"_ or _"I wish my Sora would get more focused, he doesn't seem interested in anything"_ and my favourite _"he can't speak properly yet... I wonder... does he have a problem? Mentally?" _will just make the kid bitter in the future.

As I've already said, I am seventeen now. Unluckily, the perpetual comparison between the child prodigy and poor ol' me never stopped. It's always about "Riku won some contest", "Riku was nice enough to help fix the dishwasher" (that I was unable to, insert a pointed stare here) "Riku saved mommy cat and her kittens" and "Riku found a cure against the cancer". Seriously, as soon as I walk through my front door, mom has nothing else to do than telling me what Mrs. Ogawa has just said to her while gossiping, which always happens to be the last amazing record of Riku, which I am aware of because, in case anyone has forgotten, WE ARE IN THE SAME CLASS, DAMNIT.

It has come to a point where I stay later outside just to come home when my mother is busy talking with dad, that way she doesn't feel the need to interrupt her conversation to tell me, once again, how great Riku is. It's pathetic, when I think about it.

Looking at the clock, it's 8:00 am already. This means Riku would be waiting for me in a few minutes and I won't hear the end of it._ "Why aren't you more punctual like Riku?"_ God, I can hear it already.

I grab my bag, tie undone, I make a dash for the carpeted stairs and I take the meal I have prepared myself yesterday. I put it in my bag that I zip up while walking. I am so close to reach the door when...

_Ding Dong!_

Fuck.

"Sora! Don't make Riku wait!" mom cries at the stairs. "Oh, you're here..." she says, realizing I am already in the corridor. "Look at yourself..." she sighs, truly exasperated. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Mom..." Why does she make such a big deal out of everything? The tie is not done yet, so what? I'll have time to make it before arriving at school.

She pushes me aside to open quickly the door. Ladies and gentlemen, here he comes, the one we are all waiting for, the really adored, the fantastic, the perfect: I called Ogawa Riku!

When my mother opens the door, I see him standing there: he was looking at something far away, but he turns his head when the door opens to greet my mother with a charming smile. His tie is perfectly done, I notice, as always. Like the rest of him. To the hems of his trousers falling perfectly around his polished shoes, to the neat fold of the vest around his shoulders. The rising sun behind him is casting a beautiful halo of light around his almost white hair and I know that what I am seeing is the same exact thing my mother sees: an incredibly, amazing, wonderful, _perfect_, young man.

The young man that not so long ago was a child.

The child she had always wanted.

Riku plays his role as usual: the pleasantries escaping so easily from his pretty mouth make my mother radiate with joy, a smile on her face that she only gives to Riku. I always think, when she talks to him about such meaningless things but with such a happy expression, that she is probably wishing Riku could be her son.

Think positive Sora, you're just beginning the day.

"See ya, Mom" I say already walking.

"Mrs Satô, have a nice day" I hear Riku reply behind me. He easily catches up to me and we walk in silence for a little while before he thinks it would be a great idea to begin a conversation.

"Well Sora, how was your week end?"

"Fine"

"Nothing exciting to say? I didn't see you yesterday. What did you do?"

I take a glance at him, half frowning. I dislike it when people ask me what I did recently or what I'm doing. I think it really is none of their business. What really bothers me is that Riku is the one asking. I mean, it's already extremely hard to do something without him knowing, seeing that we are always together, so when I have a day off (and I'm saying _off Riku_) I wish I can keep it to myself.

"Nothing in particular" I finally answer curtly. I will not tell him.

"That's not much..." he says it with a very gentle smirk, a way to say he knows I do not want to tell him what I did but he won't push it. Again, he is passing for a saint. I do not like feeling like that, full of bitter thoughts and feelings, angry at Riku who did nothing wrong: I have to make things better. I am not good at everything like Riku, but one thing I think I excel at, and it's being the optimistic one.

"Sorry, I just... spent the day in town with Roxas, roller-blading, eating ice cream and people/sunset sighing." I force a big smile on my face, trying to make up for the awful behaviour I had just had.

The answer do not seem to satisfy the prodigy, though. There is no negative expression on his face, but it seems to have "closed off" in a way. I've noticed this, sometimes on Riku: it is like he disconnects himself from the world and he thinks about something very important. I cannot help but think that he is upset about something, but what could I've said to upset him? Upsetting Riku is the last thing I want to do; despite being the unaware bane of my existence, he is still someone I care for deeply. Everyone loves Riku, me included. Still, I have known him for a while and, even though he probably knows me much more than I know him, I find incredibly difficult to understand his thoughts at times...

"Riku?" I try after a moment of silence.

"Hm?"

"Hum... what did you do this week end?" I try to keep the conversation going. I do not understand what just happened here but well...

"Nothing much" he answers absently.

Now is one of those _times,_ when Riku says something that is supposed to _piss me off _without seeming to do it on purpose. Now, I am wondering, is he just still in lalaland thinking about I-don't-know-what and mimicking my own words without knowing, or is he just really trying to make me angry?

Riku is... an enigma. And I just want to add that, sometimes, just for the hell of it, I want to call him a bastard.

I stare at him, a half glare half pout on myself. Yes, I know, I cannot for the life of me look downright pissed off at someone, so I just pout. It is my way of avoiding conflicts, because I am an easy-going guy by nature. I keep myself in check even when I am really upset. And here, I don't know for sure if Riku did it on purpose.

He finally looks at me when he feels my stare and, seeing my expression, he realizes his mistake and laughs. A perfect laugh, needless to say, a laugh that makes you smile just by the sheer beauty of it.

"Sorry Sora, I slept in and I just made some homework and housekeeping. I really don't know where the day went." he finishes while smiling at me. I smile back, nobody can be insensitive to that smile.

Just like that, my anger vanishes.

"We should do something next week-end. Together." He adds softly. He is still smiling at me, his green eyes sparkling in the morning light. Is it dawn that makes everything so beautifully mesmerizing? Why did I never notice?

Smiling at me like that, I could not possibly say no, even though spending time with Roxas would have lead to far less depressing thoughts. It seems like that the more we go, the less I know about how to behave around Riku, but this does not change the fact that, even feeling belittled next to him, I still want to spend time with Riku, just the two of us. Am I some sort of masochist? That would explain a lot...

I shrug my shoulders before answering. "Sure, what would you like to do?"

"Hmm... let me think about it. I'll think of something... memorable." He says with a smile and we keep walking in silence until we arrive at school.


	2. Kairi

**Chapter 2 : Kairi**

"The use of the verb _gustar_ is particular. Let's take an example: _A ti te gustan los paopou frutos? _Here, _gustar_ holds with _los frutos_ and..."

I am trying to listen to our pretty Spanish teacher but my Mom always says, and I have to give her reason for this one, that I have the attention span of a squirrel, so after listening attentively for more than twenty minutes, I lose my concentration and my spirit starts to wander.

Being in the same class, my eyes automatically search for Riku; sitting straight without looking like a snooty bourgeois (only Riku can manage that), he looks focused on what Mrs Cassassus is saying. Top student oblige.

Once more, I begin to think about how appreciated Riku is, the star amongst the students, perfectly integrated, with every single girl necessarily having or having had a crush on him and with every boy just loving his company, may it be for his talent in sports, his intelligence (a team project with Riku is the sure way for a good mark) or his overall nice character, which makes so much enjoyable spending free time with him. In short, he is extremely popular; I wonder, sometimes, how he manages to have time for me. There are people who would certainly die to be in my shoes, what with me "monopolizing" Riku every day after class and sometimes even the week-end.

I could not blame them: his bright green eyes are sparkling under the too much long silver bangs caressing his forehead. His tan skin makes the unusual hair colour stand out more, adding to the overall enchanting air he possesses. His pretty nose is straight and gives him a Greek profile who could put Cleopatra to shame. The curve of his lips is the most expressive part of his face, tight-lipped in seriousness, slightly curved upward in utmost gentleness or stretched out in cruel arrogance.

Because Riku _can_ be arrogant. And mean. At least, sometimes he really is. All cute and nice on the outside, but when someone is dumb enough to mess with him, Riku becomes a demon. It is difficult to say for sure, but I think he has some sort of superiority complex and a nasty possessive streak that he cannot help but act upon.

A dangerous hidden nature that made itself known years ago: something happened that could have... no, _should_ have ended our friendship, or at least should have shaken it to the core. And yet nothing happened.

There was nothing official between me and her, so I had no right to complain. I was too slow, he was charming, like always... it was bound to happen.

I sigh thinking about the girl I almost had. Or is it the girl I only wish I had? Or the girl I did not know if I wanted to have before I lost the opportunity to actually have her?

It does not make sense at all, huh? Let me explain...

The girl in question is Kairi, a pretty and nice girl I met on my first year of middle-school. We had quite a few things in common and I really enjoyed her company. After some time (meaning some years) it just felt right to me to think having feelings for that cute red-haired girl.

I was really nervous when the time came to confess to her, though. I do not know if I should've waited more or, thinking too much how to proceed, if I'd waited too long.

A bright Monday morning (hot day, feeling of holidays approaching) I thought I decided to invite Kairi over at home to ask her out. I had everything prepared for the occasion: I had tidied my room until it sparkled, I had warned my mom about my project so she wouldn't accidentally disturb us, I had bought Kairi's favourite ice cream... I wanted it to be simple and clean, so I stayed myself.

Riku did not come to pick me up that day, he had told me beforehand, so I did not worry. It was when I arrived at school and entered my classroom that I saw them.

Kairi, wearing the standard blue-and-white checked skirt with a white (and slightly unbuttoned) blouse, laughing happily and, more importantly, hanging on Riku's arm.

By the way of it, everything looked like they were a couple.

A damned happy one.

Riku was smiling brightly, speaking to a guy seated in front of him while another one was seating on the desk, Kairi laughing at the on-going joke and holding so _lovingly_ on his arm...

I was struck speechless.

When she finally looked at me I thought to see an embarrassed blush on her cheeks, but she just kept talking as if I did not exist.

Riku had not even noticed me.

Roxas, my very best friend, my twin as some people say because we look oddly similar, took me out of my stupor and made me sit at my desk.

I remember everything that had happened the few weeks before Riku and Kairi became a couple. Between Kairi and I, had I been the only one seeing the possible romantic relationship we could have had? Had I misinterpreted those subtle signs? When had Riku grew any feeling for Kairi? Why had he not told me beforehand? _How_ could I have missed it?

Time passed and Riku and Kairi were revealed to be the perfect couple; I could hear the girls whispering about how lucky Kairi was, the boys commenting about how Kairi was a nice catch and the bolder of them asking if they _had done it yet?_

At the beginning I wanted to talk to Riku about it. I wanted to get mad at him. To give him a piece of my _fucking_ mind! Had he not seen that I was about to ask Kairi out? That I wanted her? It was a clear betrayal coming from my oldest friend and I was ready to _fight__,_ even though I would have certainly lost, but I did not care: I wanted to hurt him just like he had hurt me.

I walked home with him in a silence that could have been cut with a knife, but before we arrived, far away from everything and everyone on that deserted street, I abruptly faced him glaring viciously.

He looked at me patiently with a cool look on his face, not looking phased in the least, or the slightly bit guilty. Not _at all_. Green eyes, so beautiful and dangerous, staring at me like the personification of judgment and justice, emotionless face carved in the purest golden skin, waiting for me to say anything, _daring _me to say anything.

And then, any determination or anger I was feeling vanished. I've never been the kind of guy to boil for very long. I thought about it and I realized a number of things. One: I had no right on Kairi because no one ever said that something romantic was going on between the two of us. Two: I had not talked about my feelings to Riku, I wanted to keep it a secret, I had only told it to Roxas, who had suggested going with the flow. Three: until that moment, I had always believed in the rule "bros before hoes". After all, to be truly honest with myself, did I like Kairi so much that I would destroy everything between Riku and me?

In the end, I've never said anything. I gave Riku the benefit of the doubt, "_maybe he didn't know__"_, and obviously, for choosing Riku, Kairi was not interested in me, so I had no right to be angry. It was her choice.

The subject had never been brought up between us. Riku never talked about her. It was like nothing had changed.

I had been such a coward.

I let all those disgusting feelings inside, hoping to forget them, trying to focus on something else and forgetting about girls in general. It was like that first failure had marked the beginning of a long disastrous love life so I did not even bother trying with someone else.

In the end, Riku and Kairi's relationship did not last that long. After the holidays, classes resumed and they broke up a few days after that. I do not know what had annoyed me more: seeing the perfect couple every day or realizing that what I would have taken seriously with Kairi did not seem to mean _shit_ for the both of them.

Riku did not change anything in his behaviour, we spent the same amount of time together (which was weird, since usually, when you have a girlfriend, you have definitely less time to share). I think Kairi tried to talk to me again: she had waited after school where we used to meet before, but I never went to her. She had waited, seemingly for nothing, and I just walked past her like she was a stranger.

Yes, I was resentful. I hated feeling that. I thought that without her I could've just forget and I could not bring myself to just keep going like before. It would've seemed fake. I could not forgive her.

She acted embarrassed, like she acknowledged that yes, she was guilty, that she stabbed my heart that I was about to offer to her.

With Riku, it was different. Riku never acted guilty. He was not, was he? Keep pretending and you'll believe it in the end. I could not stay mad at Riku anyway; my parents would probably organize a reunion to solve the problem: Riku would be innocent and I would not have any valuable argument to be mad at him. I had no right. None at all.

I've never talked to Kairi again.

I keep spending time with Riku.


	3. Roxas

**Chapter 3 : Roxas**

"Hey Sora, you're coming with me after class?"

I look up from my books to see Roxas, hands in his pockets, standing in a relaxing stance in front of my desk. Roxas always waits for me at lunchtime: I am so slow that I'm always the last to leave the class.

"Sure! I need to spend some energy!" I tell him smiling brightly.

Knowing I would spend some free time skating with Roxas instantly brightens my mood; it has always been something special for us, I would take my rollerblades, Roxas his skate, and we would drive along the fresh made cement road, following the sea at top speed and stopping only when our legs would not carry us anymore while recharging our batteries by eating sea-salt ice cream. These are great moments.

I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. It was the second year of middle school. Roxas had just settled in Destiny Island and did not know anyone. Having never liked seeing someone alone, I've always taken it upon myself to try and make the new students feel welcomed to their new school.

Anyway, I had immediately spotted the cute little solitary blond guy but I couldn't find the chance to talk to him. A Tuesday afternoon, though, my teacher had been missing, leaving us a blissful free class day. The sun was not as scorching as it usually is at that time of day, so I decided to skate a little at the new park. It was deserted and I began warming up by skating around it.

Then began the serious work: I sped towards the baggy and executed my first figure by catching my left roller skate while in the air. I landed without faltering and kept speeding and slaloming between the different springboards of the area. I do not have to think while skating, I just react at the last second: which direction to take, which figure feels the best suited, how fast should I go... it's a pure action-reaction thing. It keeps your mind occupied and you feel nothing but the satisfaction of a figure well executed and the wind blowing on your, usually in Destiny Island, hot body.

When I stopped after a little while to take my breath, I nearly lost my balance when I heard a voice very near me.

"You're rather good"

It was said in sincerity, as much as I could tell. I turned my head towards the foreign voice to see the newcomer I had yet to talk to. I had never seen him so closely, before he really looked like the close-off kind of guy, with the leave-me-alone aura topped and a touch of underlying anger. Now, with that smile around one corner of his lips, one foot propped on his skate, his arms crossed over his chest and his head bent a little on the side, observing me like I was a curious animal, he seemed like the most cordial and interesting creature that could exist.

I grinned at him, not knowing him yet but pleased to see such a friendly face (and to know I would not have to stalk him waiting for an opportunity to talk to him, too!) I made my way towards him and held out a hand in greeting. I know: teenagers don't usually shake hands but I rather like that ritual: it gives you some hint concerning the type of person you're talking to.

"I'm Satô Sora. Thanks for the compliment" I told him, as nicely and welcoming as I could.

He was looking straight at my eyes, probably wary of any sort of trap or something of the sort, but his smile never left his face. I think he deducted himself that I was sincere in my old fashion way of greeting people.

"I'm Roxas. Nice meeting you." His hand was firm, warm and soft. I had the instinctive knowledge that I would have loved that guy more than any other new kids I'd tried to befriend and I knew it would've been my entire pleasure to get to know him, and to make him feel at ease at our school.

And I also thought that I would've liked to keep him to myself...

As you can tell by now, Roxas and I became very close friends and we are used to skate together whenever we can. We even began to draw the attention of by-passers because we were starting to become very good. I don't know if I really have some talent and I don't care: I love skating, I feel good doing it, I don't plan on making it a professional carrier or God forbid, a contest in which Riku would surely surpass me.

We leave the class and go to find a quiet corner for the both of us outside. We usually sit on the grass, the weather still nice, and we begin eating in comfortable silence. Usually, Mom cooks like a master chief and makes me something delicious, but alas, these last few days, the fridge has been desperately empty. It's okay though, there were still leftovers from that yummy chocolate cake. I am quite focused on it, eating it with delight, when I hear a quiet chuckle on my right. I look up to see Roxas smiling tenderly at me, the sun illuminating his honey blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. The only thing missing is a pair of white feathery wings. I swear, I've never seen someone look as angelic as Roxas does. While most of the time he looks rather bored and neutral, he can scowl at you making you piss your pants, but when he smiles, it's like a divine vision of bounty and grace.

I smile back as widely as I could. How can you not, with a face like that?

"What is it?" Even though he is probably making fun of me, I couldn't be mad at his cherub face.

"When you eat, it's like you just enter Heaven" Roxas tells me, still smiling.

"Well... Mom's cooking _is_ Heaven."

He let out an affirmative noise and takes a bite of his sandwich. The fresh breeze makes the heat enjoyable, the kind of day perfect to go to the beach.

"So, Sora... have you thought about which university you want to apply for?"

I frown without even realizing it. University... next year would be a turning point in my life. Or not. Depends on the university, in fact.

"No. Not yet. I'm not sure Roxas..." I sigh, feeling depressed all of a sudden.

The choice should be simple. Should be... I have to choose between staying in Destiny Island or going to Traverse Town. The studies are almost the same and I don't think there is much of a difference concerning the quality's school program. In other words: staying with Riku or not.

We have, in Destiny Island, a really renowned medical school. Riku wants to enter medical school and so will stay in Destiny Island. As far as I'm concerned, I'm rather skilled in languages. I think learning to speak fluently two or three languages and becoming a teacher is a great idea. I could do that here or in Traverse Town.

Now you must be wondering why I'm hesitating? I know, I made it sound like living with Riku is Hell. But at the same time, he's my best friend and just... the closest person I have. Separating myself from him is such a frightening idea, I don't think I'd even be able to _live_ without him by my side.

On the other hand, I want to leave. I want to detach myself from him and be my own person. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating being around Riku. He is so awesome at everything he does, I'm always dwarfed by him, no matter what I do. I feel like if I want to grow up, to become _myself_, I have to sever that bond that has formed between Riku and me, the bond that is becoming stronger and stronger over the years.

I am so afraid to choose. My head says Traverse Town but my heart is torn. What about Riku? I am such a coward because there is no valuable reason I can give for wanting to leave Destiny Island: right now, everyone knows what I want to do and concluded logically that my studies would keep me here; why would I want to go to all the trouble of leaving? The only reason would be to leave Riku, but I cannot possibly say that. Even if I'd find some plausible excuse, Riku will _know_. He always does. I can already imagine his cold and piercing eyes staring accusingly at me, like I've betrayed him. Am I supposed to stay Riku's fucking prisoner all my life? So what if I want to leave? I don't have to justify myself to him. I owe him _nothing_, I-

"Sora, are you all right?"

I startle out of my thoughts thanks to Roxas. He is looking at me with a worried and surprised expression on his adorable face. I must have made weird faces while getting angry in my own head.

"Yeah... yeah I'm fine, sorry" I chuckle to make him know I was just being my weird self again.

Roxas nods, not one to pry too much into my head when I don't want to talk about it. Roxas is great like that, he knows when to pry and when not to.

"You know, I made my decision concerning where I should go." Roxas begins lightly, taking a bite of his green apple.

"Really? You planned on leaving?" I ask him, surprised.

"Yes. I think I should go to Traverse Town. They have a great web design school there. Since you talked about maybe going there, I thought it would be fun to go together." He smiles at me again, a gentle smile yet a little unsure.

"Roxas, that would be awesome! I'll have to think about it but you're definitely tilting the scales!" I grin at him.

Roxas has always been a wonderful friend, the kind of guy you can count on. Maybe, going with him would be easier? Maybe I could move on from my Riku dependency?

We grin at each other, enjoying the idea of what could happen in the near future while finishing our lunch.


	4. Mothers

**Chapter 4 : Mothers**

We are both breathing hard, laughing and running at the same time. We are late so we make our way across the city at top speed, crossing vociferating people on our way while avoiding all kind of obstacles like cars and bins.

"We should do that more often" Roxas says, once he regains his breathing.

"Definitely" I answer him, still out of breath, hands on my knees. I am wobbling a little on my roller blades from the tiredness, but I feel so good that I have almost forgotten the dinner.

"So... I'll see you tomorrow Sora. Hope you're not too late for your family dinner..."

"It's not a family dinner, it's just a dinner with Riku's family." I answer stubbornly.

"It's a family's dinner then, since you basically _live_ with that guy." Roxas answers back... with a little something in his words that I could not place.

I groan. "It's gonna be hell..."

"Well, if it becomes too much..." Roxas comes near me and put solemnly his arm around my shoulders "Call me and Zorro will save the day!" he says losing his seriousness and grabbing me in a head lock.

"Aww Roxaaas" He ruffles my hair rigorously "stoooop you're gonna mess my beautiful and carefully combed haaaair" I tell him joking. Yeah, because my hair is... particular. Un-comb-able.

He laughs, that clear and sincere laugh I love so much, and lets me go, not before ruffling my hair once more for good measure.

"Thanks for accompanying me." I tell him smiling.

"My pleasure" With that he pushes his foot on the ground and begins his way home at a leisure pace on his skate.

I, on the other hand, have to hurry. I really forget myself this afternoon: I am late for dinner with Riku and his parents. I can already hear my mother nagging at me because of my lack of respect, my forgetful behaviour and what not.

I enter by the garage and take off my roller blades, tucking them away and making my way inside the house, hoping to delay the inevitable. Unluckily, I cannot, so I slowly make my way in the living-room.

Before making myself known, I make a quick analysis of the situation. I spotted Riku first. It is really weird seeing him in my house from an external point of view; he is sitting on an armchair, legs thrown over one side and back tucked in the corner, between the other side and the back.

Since I know Riku well I can tell he's bored, even if he's polite enough not to show it. His position gives an impression of lazy royalty, dignified by its lack of etiquette. My eyes are roaming the length of his legs, feet crossing and dangling graciously. His abs are contracted and I can catch a glimpse of his stomach thanks to his clingy t-shirt, that thought that going up was a great idea. His arms, finely toned, tanned, and warning of his real strength are hard curves and lines drawing the impressive muscles that make me die of envy. I have such a _scrawny_ body it is not even funny.

Riku's parents and mine are all taking some drinks and little salty things people like to eat before friendly dinners, while talking animatedly – minus Riku, who keeps to himself. I purposefully make some noise while shuffling towards them and Riku's mother is the first one to notice me.

"How kind of you to join us Sora" Mrs Ogawa, new hairstyle again – a roman kind of thingy with some curly strands falling in the front and the mass of hair on the back, up – says with a mischievous and slightly mocking twinkle in her eyes. Riku took his beautiful eyes from her, but they really are not the same; I never get the same feeling from Riku that I get from his mother when they look at me: Riku loves just teasing, I know, meanwhile his mother... I feel like she really mocks me. Nothing really mean has ever been said to me, but I cannot get rid of that impression of veiled hostility from her.

"Sora! Where have you been? Do you know how late it is?" My mother looks far less calm after discovering me, though it hurts less hearing her nagging at me than seeing the mocking smile on Mrs Ogawa's face.

And come on, it is not _that_ late.

"Sorry Mom, I was skating with Roxas. I got carried away"

I shook hands with Mr Ogawa who is seated next to my father, who I kiss on the cheek, after going towards Mrs Ogawa who I barely touch with my cheek, so as not to mess her make-up. I look at Riku from the corner of my eyes and wink at him, and then I stop in front of my mother. She is frowning, arms crossed.

I do what I do best: I smile at her, my brightest and most innocent smile.

"Good evening Mommy" I put my hands on her hips and stood really close to her, delicately kissing her nose, and look back at her, waiting for her to stop frowning. She does and smiles, giving up against my uber cuteness: she cannot stay mad at me when I play that card. After all, I said "_Mommy__"_.

She sighs and keeps smiling. "Get ready, we're _finally_ having dinner"

I grin at her, kissing her on the neck, and quickly make my way to my room to put away my bag, take my uniform jacket off and to wash my hands. I join them in the kitchen when Mom is serving a delicious and light tomato soup.

I happily begin eating, the physical activity having starved me. I barely listen to the on-going conversation, I am _always_ concentrated on my food.

I really thought that dinner was going to be a great friendly/family dinner. It seemed I was wrong.

Once again, I do not even know _how_, the conversation about Riku and me began.

The everlasting comparison.

"Oh Miko... I haven't told you yet. Riku has chosen a speciality for his medical studies" Riku's mother begins lightly, that proud tone in her voice.

"Oh really? What is it?" answers Mom while serving Riku's father another plate of home-made fries.

"The heart. He wants to be a cardiologist." She puts some fries in her mouth, dainty fingers playing at the same rhythm her words are running. "He already studies it in his free time. My little prodigy."

"Mom... there is nothing definitive. I might change my mind during my studies. I just... feel interested in the heart, that's all." Riku, in his great modesty, justifies himself. I look at him since he is the one to talk and when he sees me, he gives me a small smile. I smile back as much as I can, my mouth being busy devouring a chicken leg.

"It's a demonstration of willpower, determination and intelligence to know exactly what you want to do in the future." Mrs Ogawa continues without taking notice of her son's interruption. "He knows exactly where he's going, seeing reality as it is. He always knew!" she let out a short laugh to which my mother smiles understandingly.

"What about you Sora? Do you know what you want to do after graduation?" Riku's father asks me.

I am surprised to be addressed and I keep silent a few seconds, blinking. Usually, our mothers keep talking about us and our fathers, by their obstinate silence, agree.

"Hum... yes, I plan on studying languages." I answer slowly. I do not know why but saying it aloud did not seem like much, next to Riku's precise project.

Riku's father smiles and does not add anything else. Riku's mother has something to say though...

"That is rather vague..."

I wanted to argue that I wanted to take Al-Bhed as my first language and maybe that I was still hesitating for my second one but, frankly, who cares? I had to first chose my university and then I could chose my second choice because Traverse Town offers different languages than Destiny Island. I could do that choice later, when I'll visit the school in Traverse Town...

I've never liked planning things so long in advance. I mean, why planning projects that have so many chances to fail? I am more a go-with-the-flow kind of guy...

Of course, I know trying to justify myself is a lost cause. I've never known how to _talk_ correctly in front of them, everything I say just sounds either stupid or selfish.

In the end, I have learnt to shut up.

"Oh, you know Sora... he has never been very mature about that kind of things... Talking about that, Sora, you really need to make up your mind. Are you really waiting until the _last_ moment to take a decision? It's about your future, Sora! You're not a child anymore. What are you going to do with your life?" Mom begins her usual speech. It is like a disk on repeat. Not only do I hate talking about that, but no matter how many times I answer her, she has to ask the same question again. Probably because she does not like my answer or because she forgets... who knows...

I do not bother to stifle my groan. "Moooom, I told you already. I'll study languages and I will teach those same languages I've learnt."

"But have you really thought about it seriously? I think you just say that to calm me down..."

If I had said that to calm her down, it definitely did not work.

"I love speaking foreign languages... I just want to find a job using those languages. Being a translator or interpreter is far too difficult. There are too many people wanting to do that for too few places available. Teaching is really the only job I feel I can reach, that's all. And frankly, teaching is a great job." I am proud of my justification. If this is not seeing reality as it is and being mature, I do not know what it is. They might leave me alone for now, seeing I have a real professional project.

"Being a teacher by default will make of you a bad teacher."

Or not.

"They quickly lose faith in their job because they realize loving their subject isn't the same as teaching it." Riku's father has decided to be as annoying as his wife. I have not even begun my studies and they make me a bad teacher already.

"He's right Sora, do you really know everything that being a teacher entail? At what level do you want to teach anyway? Have you even thought about it?" Mom is so anal about thinking through things so many times when she is not the one to take the decision. A reason why I was never able to grow up properly in a mature way...

"Yes Mom, I thought about it, though it will really depends when I will finish my studies and learn about pedagogy and see what differs from teaching in middle-school, high school or university okay? You're talking about things that are so far away..." I tell her finally with a sigh, the fries in my plate almost cold now.

I look up when I hear a barely stifled mocking laugh. Obviously, Mrs Ogawa thinks it is ridiculous to decide my carrier by my future experiences. What I think is ridiculous, is already choosing a medical speciality when you did not even _begin_ your first year in med school.

Of course, that is just me...

"That's promising..." She mutters mockingly.

What the hell did she drink tonight? Talk about being in a raw...

I lower my head, not even trying to answer back, feeling a little depressed again about my future.

"Oh! I heard they were reforming an educational law! Did you know..."

My mother begins talking about God knows what while serving the dessert. I have stopped listening, feeling far too morose and upset. I barely look up to see Riku looking as upset as me, which I find weird. What is wrong with him?

Have I felt better, I would have tried to cheer him up by inviting him in my room and playing at something until he could smile again. It never takes too long, with Riku.

Unluckily, I know I cannot tonight. I feel too down myself. I'm not even hungry for the delicious looking cake my mother prepared. I discretely stand up and leave the table. I begin climbing the stairs when I hear my mother calling after me.

"Sora! You're not eating dessert?" she has a surprised and an underlying tone of worry in her voice. It is very unusual for me to miss dessert.

I think this is what hurts the most: she has no idea why I am upset. She never tries to hurt me purposefully: she is my mother and she loves me. Knowing that, I cannot resent her for the thoughtless comments she says out of too much worry. Having no one to be angry at is far more difficult than one can think. I cannot blame Riku for being himself and so better than me in everything, I cannot blame his parents for being proud of him and I cannot blame Mom for wanting the best for me and for being disappointed in a son like me. The solution would be to be better than myself.

I can only blame me.

"I'm not hungry..." I mutter and go upstairs.

I do not realize how down I feel until after closing my bedroom door, and in all my manliness, I start crying.


	5. Less of you

Chapter 5: Friend

"Roxas..."

_"Sora? What's wrong?"_

I cannot cool down alone this time, I need someone. I am probably under what people call a state of emotional turmoil. I've never been one to think rationally, using my heart more than my mind. Right now, I need someone to talk to, someone who would only look out for me, who could understand me. I need Roxas.

Because I am on the verge of taking a decision. It can't go on like this! I've never been able to tell all of them to fuck off, that I was not the perfect boy and that they had to take me as I am, that I would not tolerate that kind of treatment anymore. I am a coward. As a result of this, I need Roxas to help me with my decision. I just need a little push in the right direction. This dinner has left a remarkable dent on my already badly scratched heart. I feel it the more I think about it: it is the last blow, the drop that makes the glass overflow, the rice grain that makes the balance tilt.

It is a turning point.

"I... I need... Roxas..."

I am not even able to talk clearly to my friend.

There is a silence on the phone in which Roxas is probably waiting for more, but I cannot go on. It looks really pathetic, when I think about it. After some prolonged silence, in which Roxas understands that I will not talk anymore (or at least that nothing meaningful will leave my mouth), he pronounces some words that relieve my aching heart.

"Don't worry. I'll be right there."

He hangs up, and I finally feel like I have found some life belt after drowning that gives me hope to survive long enough to reach the land.

I wait, seated on my bed, head on my knees and hugging my pillow.

Roxas has always been an incredible sprinter. On his skate or by feet, he would just be so quick one could think he knows a secret way to teleport. Not even twenty five minutes after my call, I hear the door bell ringing. I stand up, open my bedroom door, and listen.

''Good evening, Mrs Satô."

There is a little silence during which Mom is probably searching in her memory Roxas' name. I know that makes her uncomfortable. I have talked about Roxas before, but every time I begin telling her my happy time with him, Mom usually asks me why I do not spend it with Riku, and who was Roxas anyway? Sensing I would get very upset should Mom begin deprecating him without even knowing my time with Roxas, I stop talking about him altogether. This is why, even though Roxas is a very good friend, my Mom does not know much about him.

"Good evening Roxas. Is everything all right?"

"Everything is, Mrs Satô. I'm sorry I'm intruding so late in the evening, but I really need Sora's help right now. Do you mind if I come in?"

Hey, Roxas could be damn charming if he wanted to. I am sure he gains some bonus points.

"Of course, I'm sure Sora is available." I could imagine her opening the door wider and calling after me. "Sora! Your friend is here!"

Even though Mom is probably waiting for me to come down and greet Roxas as a well-mannered boy should do, I hear Roxas coming up quickly by himself, probably knowing I do not want to be seen. Since Mom still has her guests to take care of, she does not bother me with that.

I am waiting just behind my half-opened door when Roxas pushes it gently.

"Sora...?"

"Roxas..." I almost whimper, it is _that_ bad. I just throw myself at him, using my arms to bring him as close to me as possible. I need contact, physical affection. I know that, usually, boys just do not hug like that in those circumstances, but _I_ do. Call me gay. I probably am anyway. I kind of realized that after the Kairi's fiasco. I just can't get how girls work. Roxas knows about how touchy-feely I can be: he does not mind.

He hugs me back and I just revel in the feeling of being held and appreciated. Roxas is soft and warm. He holds me firmly, I could let my legs go and I know he would keep me standing. The hair covering his temples are caressing my cheek and I can feel the warmth and life radiating from his softly pulsating neck.

"What happened?" he asks me after a little while, very softly, very patiently. Roxas never makes fun of my swinging mood. I feel like he really understands me. Some would say I tend to dramatize things. It might be true but I do not _act_. I _do _feel bad and when I do, I _need_ someone who can hear me cry and lament like a baby to get better. And Roxas never complains.

"They... they did it again" I cannot even talk properly without hiccupping. "I'm _tired_ of it Roxas..."

As I cry again, I keep Roxas tightly against me. His hold never wavers and his hand is rubbing my lower back gently.

But Roxas is a man of action. After judging I have cried enough, he grasps my shoulders firmly between his warm hands and looks at me squarely in the eyes.

"Sora... I've known you for a while now. I've known your situation. I've even seen it with my own eyes on occasions. I see it and I see it makes you _suffer_. I hate it Sora, I hate it but you're the only who can _do_ something about it. There is a simple solution to make it _stop_. I know you're scared but you need to do it. I will help you Sora, you're not alone."

As I listen to his words pronounced with such amount of determination and belief, his deep blue eyes intent on making me understand, I stand immobile and watch him bend over his bag that has fallen on the ground during our hug. He stands up with papers in his hands, a text book and a pen.

"Come here" As he says it, he takes my hand and brings me to my bed where we lie down on our stomach, head at the foot of the bed, papers between us.

"What are these?" I ask while sniffing a little.

"Registration form." He answers simply.

"Yours?"

"No. Yours."

I stay dumbfounded for a little while as Roxas takes care of the papers for me. They are blank still, Roxas probably had them on him to fill later, but now they are going to be _mine_. He takes his time to sort them out properly and then hands me the pen. I take it slowly, not knowing exactly how to feel.

"It's simple Sora. It _has_ to stop, right? You have the power to make it stop. Do it." He commands seriously.

"To Traverse Town?"

"Yes. To Traverse Town."

His tone sounds so final it scares me. I cannot just take the decision like that! I still need time, I am still hesitating, I am...

_Why are you hesitating?_

Sometimes there is something like a little voice in my head, which always proffers the truth and that I wish could shut up so much because the truth is just _terrifying_. Unluckily, right now, that voice seems to ring louder than usual.

_You're being you__r__ cowardly self again__,__ Sora. You're not even thinking about it. You're like an ostrich, hiding your head in sand and waiting for it to pass until it's too late and someone takes the decision you were unable to._

What am I supposed to do, then? I still do not _know_.

"Come on Sora, grow some balls" Roxas says with a teasing and provoking tone of voice. "Is the idea of living with me so revolting?"

Roxas... of course, I will be with Roxas. Traverse Town is not _that_ far, I could easily come back during holidays. I could make new friends. I could see something else. I could...

_You can live without hearing incessantly how great Riku is compared to your pitiful self. You can be someone and not just an inferior comparative that only exists through Riku's shadow_.

I could make myself.

_You can _show_ them. All of them._

I chuckle a little at Roxas question. "As long as you make me dinner..." my voice is a little wavering despite the feeble attempt at a joke but my resolve has never been so firm. I do not know why I hesitated for so long. I have to do it. For my own good.

I begin scribbling on the registration form: name, surname, birth date, last studies, first program choice... Sometimes I ask, distracted, what such question means, and Roxas answers easily each time until I fill it out entirely.

Roxas gets up and opens my computer while I re-read the registration form. He looks for all the documents required with the file and begins printing copies of them.

When we finish, Roxas gets a big envelope out of his bag and put the registration form inside.

"I'll post it tomorrow. Leave it to me."

"And yours?"

"I'll do it tonight, ok?" He puts his bag on his shoulder, ready to leave. "Tell you what, I'll bring my registration form tomorrow, and we'll post the two of them together after school, ok?"

I nod, following him until he opens my bedroom door.

"Roxas!"

He turns around and waits, patiently. It is getting really late. I do not know what I wanted to tell him when I called out to him, but I know I just do not want to be alone.

"Sora...?"

"Stay with me?" I whisper.

He looks back at me, expressionless for a few seconds and then he smiles and nods.

"Your mom will be okay with that?"

"Hmm" I hum positively even though I know she will probably find that inviting a friend and spend time with said friend is supposed to be impolite when Riku is downstairs, but after registering for Traverse Town University, I am scared of freaking out by myself. Tonight I will be able to think about it and to talk about my insecurities to Roxas. He will remind me why we did that, why it is the best solution.

With a teasing smirk, he takes out a t-shirt from his bag and his toothbrush.

"That was just in case" he says as an explanation.

He knows me well.


	6. Riku

**Chapter 6 : Less of you**

The day after, I find myself walking – or rather, bouncing – merrily along side Roxas to school. Waking up next to a dear friend does wonders to my mood. I love sleeping next to someone. Roxas is not the kind to move too much when asleep and, just like when he is awake, he is very compliant when it comes to my touchy-feely tendencies. I woke up with both my arms tightly wrapped around one of his, as near as possible on Roxas without actually being on top of him. A large part of the bed on my side was unused, proof that I had moved all the way to reach Roxas' side.

The knowledge that I actually took the decision to go to Traverse Town without freaking out is also something I am feeling proud of. It had not been that difficult, in retrospect.

We have Al-bhed this morning, which I actually love, and other not particularly tedious classes. The weather is nice, which always does wonders on my mood, and a feeling of excitement is making my belly feel tight and weird when I follow Roxas to the computer room after lunch break.

We are going to look for a flat in Traverse Town.

We sit close to each other, whispering excitedly, comparing university rooms to private residence next to the university, calculating prices and taking notes of all the useful information needed to live in Traverse Town.

The town is well served: it really is a student town, mainly, at least judging by the sheer number of specialised schools and what not. I am actually getting optimistic on living there with Roxas. Everything seems simple with him.

"What are you doing?"

I turn around startled, coming back from my imaginary projects with Roxas, to see Riku standing behind us. I hadn't heard him coming nearer and, from where he is standing, he can clearly see what we are looking at.

His hands are in his pockets, bag propped on one shoulder and stance apparently relaxed, but the tension I detect in his jaws is evidence that he is not feeling as casual as he is pretending.

"Just looking for info, Ogawa, which is none of your business, really." Roxas answers with a rather cool voice.

I freeze in place, I did not talk about any of it to Riku. I am not prepared to the confrontation now. It cannot happen _now!_

"Sora's business is mine, seeing as he is _my best friend_" Riku answers, a sharp edge in his voice. The tension between Riku and Roxas is more than just tangible. I've never understood why the two of them could never get on well with each other: Riku is supposed to be kind and fair to everyone and Roxas, while not the most patient of people, is an amazingly funny guy with a tender heart. You just have to look for it a little.

"Keep telling yourself that..." Roxas mutters while clicking away on advertisements.

Riku's eyes slide from Roxas to me. The piercing bright orbs are shielded from the narrowed eyelids. I know that look. It is the face that says 'I know you're up to something, but since I'm not completely sure what this is about I'll give you the benefice of the doubt and twenty seconds to explain'.

I do not know what to say. Nothing I could possibly say would make things alright for everyone. I knew it would've happened. What did I expect?

"Sora?" Riku demands. A question and an order at the same time. I _have_ to answer. When it comes to me and my misgivings, Riku is not patient either.

"Well we... it's just as Roxas said. We're looking for info..." I croak out as well as I could.

"This one's good..." Roxas mutters aloud about an advertisement, completely ignoring Riku.

Since I am still paralysed in fear, I keep my eyes somewhere on the screen, body half-tuned towards Riku, trying and miserably failing, to ignore his glare that has now intensified greatly.

"Sora, we have to talk." It is an order again.

"We'll stop for today. We have enough on our hands for now. I'll phone those three tonight." Roxas is extremely good at ignoring Riku, I need to take classes from him.

"O-okay..."

"Need me to stay?"

He is clearly asking me if I need him by my side while Riku throws his tantrum, but it would not do. Riku would never do anything rash in front of anyone but me. I am the only one in front of whom he would behave differently than in front of others. I need to face him alone for the storm to pass. Keeping Roxas near would only postpone the inevitable.

"Nah... I'm okay" I manage in a shaky smile.

Roxas nods, understanding. "See ya in class" he departs and quite deliberately knocks against Riku's shoulder as he walks past him. Riku frowns and his eyes harden.

Now he is pissed.

With a still determined and even angry face, Riku takes my hand and firmly pulls me until we leave the computer room, not even bothering to close the one we were using. Outwardly, he seems calm enough, just purposefully walking in a 'I'm very busy' fashion so that no one would interrupt. I know better though: his hand is gripping mine tightly, and if I were to stop walking, he would drag me if necessary.

He takes me to a remote place in the playground. I know I will be the lucky guy witnessing a hidden facet of Riku's personality right about now. His eyes are bright with fury and his lips tightly shut, jaw firmly clenching giving his face an older look, virile and dangerous.

"Explain" he orders in a tight voice. He is even more pissed off than I thought.

And I am terrified.

I look down on my feet, unable to stand his glare. It is too late to explain myself in a peaceful manner now. I suck at confrontations, the words never come easy to me. I am not _argumentative_ and I _hate_ that word.

"_Sora_. What the fuck was that, residence in Traverse Town?"

He is losing patience, he would _destroy_ me whether I am ready or not.

"I... Roxas..." I stammer, thinking to a way to say it without speaking anything clearly out loud, knowing none of my carefully prepared sentence will save me from Riku's wrath.

He takes a few steps towards me until there is not much space left between us, the kind that is still correct between close friends but it certainly isn't between acquaintances. "Well, Sora? _Say it__!_" his voice is cutting like sharp ice, the bearer of a terrifying anger that I am responsible for. I can see his strong collarbone from the slightly unbuttoned shirt he's wearing and I focus myself on it: I do not want to look at him in the eyes. So near, I realize how broad and tall Riku is compared to me. Even physically, I seem insignificant next to him. It scares me even more.

Once again, I am guilty and I have to confess my crimes.

"Roxas and I plan to go study in Traverse Town." I say lowly.

"Oh?" he says with a false air of surprise. To my horror, he walks even nearer, making our bodies touch in some places. I take a step back but he follows, intimidating me to stay in place at the same time.

"Yes." I say back, trying to sound unperturbed. It isn't working that well, I think.

"And why, pray tell, are you all of a sudden deciding to leave your town without informing _anyone?_"

_Without informing me?_

I could almost hear it. Riku, my best friend, the person who knows me the best, the person _I_ know best and yet, there is a barrier that stands between us, that has always been between us, and which keeps growing taller and taller.

Who is Riku, for me?

Am I that jealous that I cannot stand how much better he is?

Is the suffering of staying in Riku's company coming from something else than envy?

Should I let him mix with other people that suit him better?

Why is he even insisting, anyway? He is so much better than me, I've never understood why he sticks with me all the time. Does the fact that I am so inferior makes him feel better?

From the deepest of my troubled heart, somewhere in a dark place where vile and disgusting feelings arise, a cold and foreboding calm begins to engulf me.

"It wasn't sudden..." I whisper.

"What?"

"The decision of leaving was _not_ sudden. It was well-thought through." I tell him louder, while finally looking up at him in the eyes: they are wider from well concealed surprise.

_What? Sora? Thinking something through? Ha!_

That fucking voice in my head could be self-deprecating sometimes. And sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder who that voice could belong to. Riku never tells me those kind of things, not even for teasing, but really, why wouldn't he think it?

The cold calm begins to slowly morph into anger. Slowly but surely, I can feel that just a little dig, a small jibe, the smallest push would release that monstrous beast that has been sleeping inside me. All the terrible things that were said to me, be it my mother's, Riku's, his father's, all of them, to which I've never said anything back and which fed that beast, will resurface _now_.

"I guess you want to know why, right, Riku?" I take a small step forward, small because I cannot stand nearer than what we already are, our bodies in full contact now. "Because I am answerable to you, right, _Ri-ku_?" I can barely recognize the hissing voice that leaves my mouth and yet, it truly belongs to me. I am being sarcastic, here. I'm _never_ sarcastic.

All of a sudden, cold fury leaves his face to be replaced by a tense expression: it seems like he does not want to hear anything I have to say anymore.

Because he _knows_. Of course he knows. That bastard has always been in the spotlight, has never suffered from walking in the shadows, and everything was perfect in his world when nothing was right in _mine_. But it was okay, as long as I played my role, nothing had to change. Nothing was said and I endured. I lied to myself and others, denying the hurt I felt, justifying the culprit's behaviours.

But there is so much I can endure. Today, I am about to say _fuck that_ to this game. I am not putting up with anything anymore. Nothing at all: Kairi, school, _family_ dinners, nothing.

"I'll tell you why: for many years, I had to put up with you being amazingly perfect in everything. For many years, you've always been the best: first baby to walk, to talk, to piss in the bathroom and not in your fucking diapers. You were the best at drawing, at sports, at reading, at understanding everything in a flash. A child behaving, polite, charming and now you're a smart, promising, _perfect_ teenager, living to his family and friend's expectations like it is _so easy_ and you know what? I'm fine with that Riku. Really. I admire you and your almost perfection and I wouldn't feel diminished." I pause a moment. "If not for the fucking _competition_"

My voice has lowered a little and it's now taking a menacing tone. Subconsciously, I know Riku is not totally at fault, but my angry beast is still there, lurking inside, and is far from finished to rampage. I take some steps back, wishing to put distance between us now that it is clear I am not afraid of him.

"I'm tired of it Riku." I keep talking, the anger getting back in the words. "I'm tired of you being so much more than me and me being so much less than you. I'm tired of your _fucking _mother making fun of me at every opportunity just so that she can give value to you. I'm tired of seeing the disappointed eyes of my mother when she realizes you're so much more worth of being her child than I am! Tired of your father demonstrating in his way that every decision I take is wrong even though he's no fucking expert on the matter. Tired of my father who's so _busy_ talking about you with yours while playing cards that he doesn't even bother to remember my fucking _birthday_ anymore! Mom buys a present from him and throughout all that shit, I have to _pretend_. I stand alone, my average me, in some fields bad, in others good enough, but _always_ under you and I have to bear the _never-ending comparison_. I cannot take a break, I see you every day, at school, at home, after class. There's no escape from this shit!"

I don't remember, not even once in my life, to have poured out my emotions for so long and in so many words. It is like I am possessed. Like if someone is actually talking in my place. Riku is usually enough to impress me into a blabbering idiot and yet, here I am, accusing everything that makes me what I am today.

"You keep me from growing up, you keep me from the necessary trials of life. I had to take the same option classes that you took so that we could be in the same class, I had to take the same sports that you did so that I could be compared some more, I had to follow your choices in reading so that Mom could hear us talk about _literature _together... I am unable to take a fucking decision because you always dictate everything I do _in life!_ I have no girlfriend because you don't, I play the piano because you do, even though I wanted to play the fucking drums, there's..." For once since the beginning, I hiccup and am at a loss of words. Just for a second. "No one... no one ever bother to ask what _I _want... no one bother to acknowledge me as a whole being separate from you. It hurts, Riku. It fucking _hurts_."

I stop talking for some seconds, some long and tense seconds of silence. I am breathing a little harder than normal. I absently wonder what Riku is thinking about that. Is he surprised I feel this way? Is he feeling guilty? Does he care at all? Will he just take that as a stupid tantrum and let it pass as if nothing happened?

"Soon, we will leave high school. It is the perfect opportunity. I will leave this town, leave my parents, _your_ stupid genitors, and _you_ behind. Roxas cares for me and will be by my side. It's a new beginning for me and I'll be _damned _should I let it pass." I say resolutely.

Surprisingly – or not, after all, Riku _always_ gets the last word – something I've just said seemed to tick Riku off and his anger is back with a bitterness tint to it.

"Of _course_ Sora, you were always so _brave_ that just running away is precisely the thing that is going to make you _grow up_" he says mimicking me, _mocking_ me. "Instead of what a normal person would have done, that being, _talking_ about it and actually _solving_ problems, _you just RUN!_"

Am I dreaming? "I... I can't believe you! Are you trying to say that you didn't know? That you were not _aware_ of how difficult it was being endlessly compared to you?" I am not believing my own ears. I know I could be dumb and naive sometimes, but right now, I am under a streak of lucidity and I won't be manipulated anymore. Riku is trying to make it pass like I am the immature and rash one, and that everything could have gone better have I just _talked_ about it. Ah! Right! "I thought you were supposed to be _smart_, _compassionate_ and so _observant!_" His mother keeps repeating Riku's endless qualities and how he is an empathic soul.

"And how could I have known?" He asks, crossing his arms and pronouncing the words with such a poker face, such sincerity in his accusing and slightly angry voice that I am flabbergasted. He is good. He is very good. Now it's a moment in life where I wonder if I have not been manipulated so much more than what I first thought. Have I been just a piece of modelling clay in his hands all these years?

"Don't you _dare!_ Don't you _fucking dare!_" I am seeing red. I feel betrayed, angry, _lost._ I have always trusted Riku. "Not _once __have_ you taken my defence when I was being belittled by our parents! Not _once _have you let me have something that you couldn't have first, namely, _Kairi. _Not once did you ask me if it was okay for me to be doing whatever we were doing, it has always been _your_ choice and I've always followed! Guess what Riku? I'm not your _fucking dog_!"

"You're blaming me for your inability to take your own decisions. Wake up Sora, you have _always_ been like that." He says coolly, as if he were enouncing an evident truth. He is not even perturbed to see me in this state. His words just intensify the consuming flames of my wrath.

"You're such a liar! Assume some of your fucking faults!"

"What faults? I helped you doing something in your life. If not for me, you would've just stayed inactive, moody and bored. I've kept you occupied with activities of my choice, thinking you were liking it. The matter was that we were having fun together, because I naively thought that we were _friends._"

Oh no. Now he is playing the guilty card. Bastard.

"Lies. Just LIES! Living with you has been _hell_! And now it's fucking OVER!"

"Of course... and how much time until you blow up on Roxas for no valuable reason? Two years? Three?"

I actually gasp out loud. No valuable reason? Just as I thought: he is not taking me seriously. Now, I have no hesitations anymore: I _will_ sever my ties with this selfish jerk once and for all.

"I hate you Riku. I fucking HATE YOU!"

I stay long enough to see a surprised expression of shock on his face before running away from him, not bothering to look back.

I do not know how to feel. Anger is very foreign for me. It used to be always bottled up inside. Now that I've let it out, I don't know if I feel better, relieved or just... like I have done something that could not be undone. Something I will regret.


	7. More with you

**Chapter 7 : More with you**

The afternoon after the confrontation, I try to avoid Riku like the curse of gods. As soon as the bell rings, I bolt out from the classroom and Roxas follows me quickly. We walk back together, visiting Muggle post on our way to send our registration forms.

I have to explain to Roxas what happened. I realize my behaviour is particularly weird: silent and pensive. I'm sure Roxas has been lost for a moment, wondering if I needed an exorcist or something. He does not pressure me into retelling everything though, like the amazing friend he is. He even tries to make me feel better about the whole thing by making me sit on a bench on the beach witnessing the beautiful sunset while half-hugging me with his left arm and eating a sea-salt ice cream with his right. It was the kind of ice cream with two sticks glued together that you have to pull off to share: our favourite.

"It was necessary, Sora. I know it must be tough for you right now, but you _had_ to do it or nothing would have changed."

Roxas leaves me to my pensive state, staring at the sunset for a long while, respecting my silence and comforting me with his presence.

I am feeling kind of calm. Empty in a way, because I have not seen Riku at all for the rest of the day, and it is unusual for me not to see him. I do my homework, alone. I eat dinner with mom and dad, feeling slightly guilty and tense: they are not aware yet of our argument.

The day after, Riku does not come pick me up for school. Mom asks me about that and I babble something that sounds like a half-arsed excuse before leaving the house in a hurry.

Riku is absent today and I am left staring at his vacant seat during classes. I can barely focus on anything else. I do not know how I expected him to react but his absence was more than just surprising. Riku _never_ misses school without a good reason. The only time I remember him doing it, he couldn't stand on his own two feet.

I remember that day. It was a Friday just before break, and his parents' wedding anniversary. Riku had a very bad flu and his mother was about to cancel the three days journey to Atlantica they had planned for the both of them. She didn't because I stayed with Riku for those three days, assuring her that I would've taken good care of him; he had his medicine and he just needed rest.

I took residence in Riku's room, lying on a comfy rug next to his bed. I had some books and a portable console to entertain myself while he slept and when I was not cooking or giving him medicine. I was trying to make things for him as bearable as possible, refreshing him with a wet towel, speaking softly for his sensitive ears and joking around to make him forget his pain. It was disturbing to see him in that weakened state but, at the same time, it made me realize that perfect doesn't mean invulnerable. His low-lidded eyes were still sparkling, his usually golden cheeks were flushed red with high temperature, his voice was not confident and smooth but hoarse and his words slow. Despite feeling guilty about this thought, I couldn't help but enjoy taking care of Riku while ill. Not that it pleased me to see him in that state, but I kinda liked the fact that, for once, it was he who needed me.

After the first day, he felt a little better but still under the weather. I brought him his meals in bed and, as ill as he was feeling, he kept grinning during my whole stay in his room. I even washed him once because the high temperature had made him hot and sweaty. He was too tired and too ill to stand up and take a shower. Instead, I brought to his room a plastic washbowl full of warm water and a flannel. When I took off his shirt, he had looked surprised and a little embarrassed but complied. I kept talking to make him feel okay while I soaped his torso and armpits thoroughly. He started calling me 'Nurse Sora' after that but he stopped when I told him to shut up if he did not want me to wash something else.

"Do you feel better Riku?"

Sitting on the ground next to his bed, an action movie playing, I was surveying his state closely. The look he had on his face did not make it seem like he was lost in thought or trying to comprehend my question through the fog in his mind, but he still took a little while to answer the seemingly simple question. It was like he was weighting his words cautiously, not knowing what to reveal.

"I never felt bad to begin with. You were always here." He had said softly, in a serious and solemn voice, like the meaning was deeper than what it seemed. "Nurse Sora" he added with a ruffle of my hair.

When he felt better, I helped him cleaning his room. Riku has always been obsessive about tidiness and hygiene. Window wide opened to air the room so that all those meany germs could get out, he vacuumed the ground while I changed his bed sheets and made his new, _clean_ bed. Afterwards, we took a walk on the beach and I could see Riku recuperating his strength back. I was proud at the thought that it was little bit thanks to _me__; it_ felt so good to be the one needed for once. Riku had been able to count on me.

I don't know why, of all the times, I am thinking just right now about that day. Absently solving a math problem, I keep looking at the clock above the black board. The day had passed slowly, but that is nothing compared to the last hour. Terrible.

Finally, I say good-bye to Roxas. I've taken a decision. I am going to pay Riku a visit. As an excuse, I have homework to bring for him. I run almost all the way to Riku's home but at his front door, I stop. My breathing laboured, I feel nervous all of a sudden. What if Riku does not want to see me? What if Riku _never_ wants to see me again? That would be bloody ironic: I was never able to avoid Riku in my whole life and now that I _finally_ have some space, I panic at the idea of _not_ seeing Riku.

It has just been a day. A day and an afternoon.

And I miss Riku.

I am Riku-addicted. Fucking Fantastic.

I bring up any determination I have and I knock. His mother opens the door not too long after that.

"Hello, Mrs Ogawa."

"Hello, Sora. You're here to see Riku?" she answers softly. She seems bothered somehow. Since she does not try to pry my eyes out with her nails, I guess Riku has not told her what I said yesterday. Still alive, yeah!

"Yes... is he ill? I've brought his homework."

"Well... yes, I suppose he is. He is not feeling well and he... doesn't want to see anybody. Give me his homework and I'll give them to him."

She is taking away the only excuse I have to see Riku but I have no choice.

"Hum... I'll... I'll come back tomorrow after school then?" I tell her unsurely, holding out Riku's homework.

"Of course, boy." Her answer seems automatic and a wrinkle is apparent in the middle of her forehead. She is worried.

"Good evening, Mrs Ogawa."

"Good evening, Sora"

She closes the door slowly without looking at me, deep in thoughts.

I stand there for a little while, not knowing what to think. I thought I would be able to see Riku to know exactly what was wrong, but his own mother does not seem to know exactly what the problem is. Is he really upset about yesterday? Or is there something else entirely? Is Mrs Ogawa's worries just about a physical illness Riku caught between yesterday afternoon and today?

I finally walk slowly back to my house, going straight to my room. I let my bag fall to the ground and look at the window. Usually, I could see Riku from here but, today, his curtain is down.

It never is. Even during the night. Riku does not really like to be in darkness.

Having the certainty now that he is shutting me out, I feel bad. The kind of bad that prevents me from doing or thinking about anything else. I lay in my bed, hands under my head, staring at the ceiling and going in circles in my own mind. My heart is an indecipherable mess of feelings that go to one extreme to another. I feel restless. I stand up, walking in my room without knowing why, just to lay down again. I can't even concentrate on my homework. I keep throwing glances at the window irreparably clashing with the closed curtain of Riku's room.

After an evening of doing _nothing, _Mom calls me for dinner. It gives me a goal at least, walking with a destination in mind for once, even if it is as stupid as walking to the kitchen.

Waiting for Mom to fill my plate with a delicious looking stew, I stay subdued and silent. I know that I usually animate the meals. I always love dinner time: it is a private little moment where I can just be me. My parents, mostly my mom, are not under the Ogawa's influence when we are alone. I can even feel like they are happy to have me, contrary to when Riku is with me and with his parents in the same room. Of course, it happens the dinner goes downhill when Riku is being the subject of discussion, but with time I've learned to lead the topics like an experienced sailor know where to steer his ship.

Tonight, of course, things are different. My mom, surprised at my silence, is trying to make me talk by throwing different random topics to begin a conversation. My dad actually responds, probably thrown out at hearing nothing. I really have no desire to talk and stay resolutely closed off to my mom's attempts. I eat quickly and get back to my room.

Surprisingly enough, she has not mentioned Riku even once, whereas he is the only one I can think of. For once, I would have liked to talk about him with someone. I just know that there is no one with whom I could talk about him. There is no one I can think of that knows Riku and me sufficiently to help in my situation. No one could help but Riku himself.

Enough sulking. The next day I'm at school staring hard at a vacant place. A weird feeling of anger mixed with impatience takes hold of me. I hear nothing during my classes, the only thing I could think of is Riku. I _need_ to see Riku. I have never felt that way before. For once in my life, I need to _act._ It is nothing like the anger that I felt the other day when I had my argument with my best friend. It is a completely different kind of anger and I am absently thinking that it is a record for me to feel so much differently angry in such a short amount of time.

Feeling restless, unable to endure another class and with my legs jumping continuously in a nervous and impatient movement, I tell Roxas that I will skip the last history class.

I need to see him _now_.

Running back home, running like I've never ran before, breathing heavy but controlled, I stop myself under Riku's room, staring at the closed window.

Knowing that at this hour, Riku's parents would not be here, I pound on the door, having barely enough willpower to not try to break the door down. No one answers.

"Rikuuu, open the door!" I pound stronger on the door, the hard wood hurting by hand.

There is no response and when I take some steps back to see the house entirely, I see that the curtain on Riku's room had just been drawn.

He is there and is clearly refusing to talk to me.

Well... too bad for him because I am far too pissed off to just leave like that. I have skipped classes for Heaven's sake! No stupid piece of fabric will stop me now.

Regaining my breathing, I stare at the window with determination. Riku's room is on the first floor which is rather high and inappropriate for climbing. Luckily, there is the famous tree that separates both our houses, the one whose branches are growing between our rooms, turning into a metaphorical connection between the two of us.

Little, Riku could climb the tree until the third big branch. Once older, he made it to the fourth, which was thinner and high enough to make a fall quite dangerous. As far as I am concerned, I have never been a fan of climbing and heights, to the point that even our competitive spirit could not make me try to go higher than the second branch. Trying to climb on the third, once, had been disastrous.

But that was a long time ago. I had little legs back then and... I will refrain from thinking of comments about my current height. I _can _do this.

Climbing the branches until Riku's window. I _can _definitely do it.

I look closely at the tree and begin my ascension without wasting time. A little awkwardly at first, I manage to heave myself up on the first big branch, finding good pressure points for my legs and hands. Soon, my limbs are shaking a little and I think absently that, despite my physical activities, my fear of heights is stronger than I had first thought: falling from that third branch made me scared of climbing.

Whatever, frowning in so much determination that my face will probably stick like that forever, I put my feet higher and heave myself on a higher point, managing to catch the second branch with my left hand. With a great effort – and resolutely looking higher – I put both my feet on the second branch which is as far as I have ever been.

This is a small victory, but that was the easy part. The distance between the second branch and the third is great. Squeezing the hard and coarse wood in my hands, I brace my feet on the trunk and climb at almost a 90° angle. One step, two steps and the third was the charm. Okay. Deep breath, stay calm, focus, do not look below. Okay. My feet is getting numb, I need to move. Blocking my foot in the narrow space between two branches, I heave myself higher using the force of my arms that is, quite honestly, nothing much.

Despite my girlish strength, the manoeuvre is a success and I quickly put my other foot on the big third branch. Taking a deep breath again, I follow the path to the fourth branch, getting far higher than I thought I would have ever been able to climb.

The higher I get, the more frighten I am but, at the same time, the more determined I become. I can see Riku's window nearer than ever, like the incredible lost treasure we imagined when little.

The branch I am on is thinning. I cautiously move forward, little by little, branch squeezed between my thighs, hands holding tightly, fingers hurting against the rough bark of the tree.

When the branch gets too thin to bear my weight, I very slowly stand on my two feet to catch another branch higher. I need to get to the window. Three little steps afterwards and feeling far from reassured after a look downward, I put a foot on the windowsill, managing to lean on it and bringing my second foot on it. Now I am in a weird position where my hands are still holding on a thin branch like a lifeline (which actually is) while my feet are on the windowsill, with my back awkwardly bent backwards.

Mission accomplished. I have just arrived at Riku's window by climbing on a tree. Now... what?

Good question indeed.

I use my foot to bang against Riku's window. It is super hot today, why the hell would he let his window closed? The curtain, I can understand... but the window? It's not like he expects me to come through it, does he?

"Riku! Open the door! Err... window!"

_Bang bang bang!_

I _will _break the freaking window if he does not open it right now.

I hear (more than see because my head is too high to face the window) the curtain being drawn back. Riku is now facing the... lower part of my body. When he lowers himself a little to look higher, his eyes are wide and his mouth a little ajar. I would have been proud and laugh at his expression knowing it is _myself_ that put it there. I just realize that me feeling proud usually is linked with Riku, just like my feelings of destroyed confidence. I just focus on the latter most of the time.

Anyway, the pride could wait, my arms are getting tired and my phobia of height is coming back with a vengeance.

Riku quickly opens the window, too surprised to remember sulking.

"Err... hi Riku."

"Hi" he answers automatically, his mesmerizing green eyes still wide with incomprehension.

"Riku I..."

I what? What was I going to say when banging on his door and window like that? I did not expect saying anything in that position and my brain is not working correctly, it is just poking itself internally and repeating '_you do realize you're going to fall any minute from now?' _and damn, it is so high...

"Riku... I'm scared..." I whimper and almost cry realizing my hands are slipping, fingertips bleeding from holding the branch so tightly.

It brings Riku back into action: he put his arms, so strong and muscled compared to mine, around my middle, and he efficiently brings me through the window and into his room. My arms are around his neck, trying to bring myself as close as possible to _safety_. Because Riku has always been a synonym of safety for me. As long as he is here, everything is okay.

"Wow... hehe... got scared a little back there, he..." my hands are still gripping Riku's upper arms to steady myself. I am shaking, I just realize that I climbed a tree I never thought I could climb. All of that... just to get to Riku. Nothing was more important than that.

Riku looks concerned for me. He let me breath, still as surprised as me to see me climbing that giant tree. And succeeding no less. His hair is slightly dishevelled, he wears a simple pair of cotton grey pants and a loose t-shirt that it's many years old. He is not the Riku that everyone knows, the neatly trimmed Riku, relaxed and charming and always ready for anything. Right now, this is my Riku, the one I have always known, the one who could be surprised, who likes to stay in his pyjamas at home, the stubborn and sore loser Riku, the one that is human just like any other, the one that is not perfect, he is less than perfect, he is amazing.

"I don't hate you, you know?"

It is the first thing I have to clear up. How could I ever hate him? I'd forgotten it for a moment: the way other people see him, the way he behaves just to please everyone, that's not his true self. _I _know his true self, and he is fragile; he used to show it to me. How could I've forgotten? My best friend Riku? Even his mother does not know him like I do. No one does.

"I'm sorry Riku. I've been stupid, it was cowardly of me. I should have told you. It's not you I want to leave. I don't want to leave you. It was stupid to think I wanted to leave you because I don't want to. I... I _need_ you Riku, really. It sounds stupid but you're too important and please, forgive me, don't be mad at me, don't ignore me, please, I'm nothing without you, please..."

I realize that I'm crying, wet tickling on my cheeks cannot be anything else but tears. During my rant, I have gripped Riku's arms tighter, not to keep myself standing but to desperately try to make him understand and believe what I have to say.

"I just... got so tired of hearing them all, you know? And... it's like you get to have everything I wish for. I've never confronted you about it but I should have had... I should have had, because it began bubbling inside when..."

"Sora..."

"Kairi!" I cry out, half in anger, half in misery. "Why? You knew I was enamoured with her, it could have been something but you just _had_ to take her away from me. Why? You wanted to hurt me? You were already in love with her for a while and never told me? Why? Sometimes, I just don't get you, I don't know what you feel, what you think... the more people raise you as a god, the more I feel you're distancing yourself from me. Tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm still your best friend, not because next to me you look good but because you really like who I am. Tell me..."

I hide my head in his shirt, sharp sobs escaping from me sometimes, I sniff in an attempt to keep from crying completely. I feel reassured because his arms envelop me soothingly.

"I've never wanted to hurt you, Sora." His voice is soft. And deep, when has it gotten so deep? It's like I realize only now that he is a man. We grew up, he probably more than I, I have always been so immature...

"I just realized... some important things and it made things different, in a way. I know, my parents and some of our friends have been awful with you, saying things about how great I am supposed to be. But I'm not. I only try to look good... for you, Sora, no one else."

For me? Why would he feel the need to look so good just for me, I'm not pressuring him into anything, am I? I look up at him, trying to get more precisions.

"I didn't like Kairi. I mean, she was a nice girl, but she meant nothing to me. I saw that she could mean a lot to you. And you know I'm selfish... I didn't want you to leave me just because you had a girlfriend. You're so easily swayed Sora!" he says that with a little frustration, breaking eye contact with me, maybe in fear I would get angry at him. "Girls can make a guy turn crazy! I could just see you, poor little Sora, enamoured with a coquette teenage girl who realizes she has power over her boyfriend, who would do everything for her until she gets tired of him. I know you would have, you would have felt so guilty about making her angry or sad, that you would have obeyed to everything she would've asked you. It would have been a disaster. I didn't want that to happen with you. I despise those kinds of relationships. So I just thought... if she really was serious, nothing would come in between you two. And I think I was right to have done what I did. Look: I just had to flirt with her a little and she completely forgot about you and accepted to go out with me. You understand, Sora? She would have made you sad, nothing good would have come out of it."

How should I feel about _that_? I mean, he did it only to prevent me from going out with Kairi just as I thought, _but _he did it for my well-being.

...

My brain is in a stupor. Only Riku could think about me being so mentally weak that I couldn't take care of myself or break up a terrible relationship... That was my decision to make, dang it! But at the same time, I can't feel that angry at Riku. It happened a long time ago, and it is almost funny to see that he is such a worrywart...

"That's fucked up Riku" I mutter softly, head still in his shirt.

"Yeah... I kind of realize it..."

"You know I wouldn't have put you away just because I would have had a girlfriend. And I would have ended it myself if she should have been too annoying."

"Sure..." he tells me jokingly.

"I really would have..." I say stubbornly. Deep down, I know Riku is right, it would have taken me an awful long time to end a relationship. He knows me well...

"I... I wanted to keep you... just... for me."

I blink, trying to understand what he is trying to say.

"But you have me" I answer softly.

"Not... the way I truly want"

I look up again. His eyes are a tiny bit narrowed, not in anger, but in contemplation, they were wishful. And a little sad, too. He raises one hand, that was on my back, to my hair, ruffling very softly, pulling strands out of my eyes to better look at them.

"Riku?"

"_I_ was the coward... I never told you, even when I realized I was homosexual. I looked at you differently, or rather, I knew you weren't just my best friend. I wanted more, I _want_ more."

My mouth opens a little and I feel his hands, the one still on my back and the one in my hair, squeezing me more tightly.

"I couldn't stand to see you with her, with anyone. And when you started spending so much time with Roxas, I..."

I wince a little when he pulls on my hair too hard. Riku... gay? And he likes me... that way? And that was for a long while? I never saw it coming. How dumb could I be?

"Roxas is really nice..." I tell dumbly, kind of lost for words. I realized just after pronouncing those words that it was not the smartest thing to say.

"Yeah... nice isn't really a fitting qualifier for me, huh?"

"No! I mean, he is a really good friend. He... helped me a lot, cheering me up when I was down and all. I like him, I mean, I really appreciate his friendship."

I think Riku understood but his face is still a little closed off. He seems to be the jealous type. It is kind of cute, Riku always seems untouchable that you could barely trigger those kind of emotions out of him. He knows how to hide it very well anyway. For me, he does not seem to make the effort.

"You're going to leave?"

I blink several times. Why would I leave? Riku is far warmer than what he looks.

"Why? I'm fine like that."

He smiles at that. I love the way it changes his face completely.

"I mean, to Traverse Town..."

The smile is off again, leaving sadness behind.

"Well... I kind of got used to the idea of seeing another town... why don't you come with me?" I perk up at the idea. In a town where no one knew us, the comparison will stop, Riku will be with me and we'll get to study what we want. That would be great!

His face is neutral for a little while, processing the information. He is telling himself, 'why not?'

"Why not?"

I grin, loving the idea already. I step back a little, looking at him while standing back.

"Come home for dinner tonight! You can talk about it to your parents and tell me how it went. We'll make projects then!"

He smiles and nods slowly. "Okay."

I grin in answer and walk back to the window. I am feeling so elated it is preposterous.

"Sora! You dork, you don't have to go back through the window." He says while advancing towards me.

"It's okay Riku." I turn back towards him, my legs already outside. "I have wings now."

He blinks at me with a lost look. I do not let him time to think about it, I kiss him chastely on his lips. I keep it short, just long enough for Riku to have time to press back a little. When I pull away, I smile at him my biggest smile and I jump.

I really jump.

Why was I so scared climbing up? It is not that high. It is like I cannot fall. I grip one branch and then another, lower and lower, and I jump down the rest of the way, with an agility unknown until now.

"Sora!"

I roll down in the grass and stand up. Hearing Riku afraid is so very foreign... I raise my arms in the air, showing him I am alright.

"Told ya, Riku! Love makes me fly! See ya tonight!" I wave and ran back to my house. I am so happy, I run while laughing by myself.

I feel like the huge shadow that has been strangling my heart little by little just faded away. I will not have to endure that nonsense anymore. I will not be my passive pitiful self anymore. I will act to build my own happiness. I will make Roxas and Riku, at least, stand each other. I will make Riku come with me to Traverse Town. I will make Riku happy, and myself at the same time. I cannot believe it...

Riku, in love with me...

The future, for once in a long time, looks very bright.

**XXX**

"Hey, could you _please_ put your arse aside? Some of us are holding heavy things here."

"You have some sass saying that, that must be the first box you're bringing inside since the beginning!"

"Of course, only the Great Riku is working while us useless beings are just wasting space."

"I never said Sora was a waste of space. You, on the other hand, you-"

"Hey guys! This is kind of big, no? The room looked smaller on the photo! Wow! The view is great!"

"Just wait a week and you won't be able to bear the sight of us anymore"

"Noooo! I'll never get tired of you two! What a weird idea, Roxas!"

Sora flung himself at Riku and Roxas, one arm around each neck, grinning at the prospect of living there with his two favourite boys.

"Is there a fourth guy joining us, in the end?"

"Yes. I received a mail yesterday. He should come by today."

"Any details?"

"A third year medical student. Name's Axel."

"Medic... another psycho..." muttered Roxas.

**The End**

**A/N:** This is it folks! I hope you enjoyed the story. It was more work than I planned it to be but whatever... If someone is tempted to write an AkuRoku based on that story as a sequel, feel free to do it :) Just warn me, so that I can read it XD


End file.
